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Literature Text
"Kaiser"
I started writing poetry with an sense of unease,
Not knowing the events that would shape my future,
Little more than a week away in our history.
I was lost in a world of rigid strictures and codes,
That figures of authority failed to follow alongside;
Something that caused anxiety and disillusionment.
I wanted to tell people to open up their eyes,
To all the things they were missing by rushing-
Straight towards a lifetime with just dead ends.
I looked to express myself in the only way I "thought,"
People might actually listen and try understanding,
Trying one form after another without little success.
I realized that in order to open those eyes,
They would have to wake up on their own drive;
For that, I thank all those who read my works~
not for their appreciation but for taking the same journey.
By: Patrick Patin
"Agaku Locke"
"Tesla Knight"
"Korba the Dread"
"Almighty-Pipboy"
"The Lone Samurai"
08-09-05
4:20PM
*I'd say the only real difference since I began would be a decided lack of any rhyme scheme.
Take that younger version!
I started writing poetry with an sense of unease,
Not knowing the events that would shape my future,
Little more than a week away in our history.
I was lost in a world of rigid strictures and codes,
That figures of authority failed to follow alongside;
Something that caused anxiety and disillusionment.
I wanted to tell people to open up their eyes,
To all the things they were missing by rushing-
Straight towards a lifetime with just dead ends.
I looked to express myself in the only way I "thought,"
People might actually listen and try understanding,
Trying one form after another without little success.
I realized that in order to open those eyes,
They would have to wake up on their own drive;
For that, I thank all those who read my works~
not for their appreciation but for taking the same journey.
By: Patrick Patin
"Agaku Locke"
"Tesla Knight"
"Korba the Dread"
"Almighty-Pipboy"
"The Lone Samurai"
08-09-05
4:20PM
*I'd say the only real difference since I began would be a decided lack of any rhyme scheme.
Take that younger version!
Suggested Collections
Procrastination shouldn't be anything new to those who know me, so here's the poem I "suggested" would be posted last Friday.
Also, recently watched "the Usual Suspects."
Also, recently watched "the Usual Suspects."
© 2005 - 2024 Almighty-Pipboy
Comments2
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In the second line- should "no" be "not"? "No" doesn't sound right.
Line 5- "That figures of authority failed to follow alongside"- "alongside" feels wrong. Perhaps another word there? Even changing it to "beside" would work better.
Line 9- "Straight towards a lifetime with only dead ends"- what about making this "a lifetime of only dead ends" or even leaving it with just "a lifetime of dead ends."
Line 13- "I realized that in order to open peoples eyes,"- If you want to leave the word "people" then you need an apostrophe. I would suggest, however, using another word (such as "their") could give it better flow.
Line 5- "That figures of authority failed to follow alongside"- "alongside" feels wrong. Perhaps another word there? Even changing it to "beside" would work better.
Line 9- "Straight towards a lifetime with only dead ends"- what about making this "a lifetime of only dead ends" or even leaving it with just "a lifetime of dead ends."
Line 13- "I realized that in order to open peoples eyes,"- If you want to leave the word "people" then you need an apostrophe. I would suggest, however, using another word (such as "their") could give it better flow.